Sunday, September 30, 2012

Cages


My autism is just like a cage. I can look out and see the free people, but I stay stuck inside. I think the lion that paces in its cage gets used to its routine and knows the bars don’t open, but the lion doesn’t realize that other lions roam freely over vast savannahs, and that food doesn’t magically appear from nowhere.

It is different for me because my cage is like an invisible barrier. Bars, not of steel, but of impulsive behavior, stims, and limited speech have the same result though. I watch the people move around me and I am stuck behind my barriers. 

I watched my sister celebrate her birthday with her best friends this weekend. I couldn’t joke, talk, or join in. I told myself not to get lost in the jealousy because I envied her social pleasures – not that I listened to my own advice. In that way I am unlike the lion because I know what I can’t do yet. People overlook me because I am odd, or because I don’t speak, but I still watch, wishing one day to be liberated from my cage that traps me inside my own body.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Ido! I recently discovered your blog and love it. I am a speech therapist who specializes in Autism and I just wanted to say thank you! I know I don't know you, but I'm deeply sorry you feel looked over sometimes. A lot of my favorite people are non verbal, and I wish so badly that you didn't have to experience those feelings. I admire so much that you are using your experiences to help others! Please know there are some of us neurotypicals out there who are openminded and are very grateful to you for insights. I admire you more than you know!

    ReplyDelete

FB Comments