Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Lizard Brain

Autism is a very frustrating disorder. I can be totally impulsive. I get foods I shouldn't take. I see it. I take it. No thought at all. I see things I want to spill or spray or touch. No thought at all. It is my lizard brain. It is almost reflexive. I think eventually, when I am caught. Then my reasoning is totally stung with remorse. I hate my impulsive actions.

I live in a dual world. On the one hand I have an intelligent mind and I think deeply. On the other hand, I only react to impulses, like a lizard chasing a cricket. Maybe neurologists or neuro-scientists can figure this one out. My whole life is extremes. I am intelligent but I am not able to speak or write like a teen. I can't even speak as well as a kindergartner. I am impulsive like a baby, but I am a religious thinker like an adult.

Autism is a wild ride. I think it is sort of a blessing to think deeply like I do, but it is so grating to follow my lizard brain as well. I wish I could figure out how to get mastery over it because people rightly get angry and I seem selfish.

2 comments:

  1. You are doing so much to help us understand you and people who share your disorder. Your posts are akin to successfully describing color to the blind. We want so desperately to see you. Now we can. You're incredible!

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  2. This post is very helpful to understanding my non verbal son. Thank you.

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